Placing Joy first

So here I am, feeling sorry for myself. People have bugged me all night and last night as well. I sit here in the middle of it all feeling hurt by some of these things and just plain fiery mad about others. Its the day after thanksgiving (now, at least, its 3am..) So why have I found myself being hardened to thanksgiving? "I'm a pig." I say softly, as to not awaken the sweet girl with whom I share my room. So here we go, my 3am post about everything that I'm thinking about. Please enjoy...

".... Increase in us we pray, unveil why we are made.... We are your church we need your power in us...." I know this song doesn't have much to do with forgiveness, or thankfulness, or may be seemingly irrelevant.. But it made me think... If I truly was God to increase in me, to unveil my purpose, to give me his power in my life, how can I in the same breath hold bitterness against someone? I can't. I breathe out slowly. These emotions are natural, its true. But what's "natural?" Natural is our sin nature before Christ cleansed us. Natural is selfish, foolish, and dark and that's truly not my wish. (Don't get me wrong, I love nature and natural products, I'm not hating on em! ;) ) "...seek ye first the kingdom of God..." PSH that's not what I did first and foremost when news came in of these various situations, my initial reaction was that of anger, of injustice, of frustration, of sinfulness you may say. As I sit here I breathe easier now, I breathe lighter. It seems it's working... Lord give me strength. So a thought to leave you with as I depart: how can we be a light for Christ if we are being anger and bitter filled darkness machines for the devil?

Growing up (1)

Here I am, an adolescent,  caught between two worlds in a bitter clash of tough decisions. Maybe you sympathize cause you were here once, or maybe, you're like me and you're caught in this place now. Stress is high in future choices, my spiritual walk is at war every day, school and family stress is also a large part of my life, I try so hard to balance. It's a strange thing however that though I can sit in my stresses, and yet they dont bother me. My stresses drive me to tears one day and the next they are completely and wholly surrendered leaving me with this simply beautiful life. But where does this leave me? I lustfully look towards my future, wishing I could permanently place years of school behind me... but where is this elusive joy?

Im growing up and fighting every change. If only I could writhe free of this change, if I could remain a young girl in pig tails laughing with my brothers in eternal youth would I choose it? Would I choose to be young forever? Maybe I would. I dont know. This is the side of my stress, the downside to my growing up.

However there is a light...

Inside my immaturity, inside my spiritual struggles, inside my absentmindedness there is a great dawning beginning.

Here lies a young girl still caught in a case of naivety but with a stirring in her soul to go. To walk on the waters, to move mountains, to change the world.

Some laugh, others smile, and very few support me. "What a foolish girl for not having ambition in career!" I heard, but its much too late to change me. Im not leaving without a bang, I plan to pursue a strong education in which my ventures in the world will most certainly use if it is according to God's calling. This is the question... is it his calling? Im still waiting for the answer. "Here I am Lord, send me."

Are You Cheating Your Workout?

It's a valid question. I went to Pilates this morning for the first time and it was not my idea of a good time. Through my gasping and squeaking and through the burning in my abdomen I simply would've rather gone to Zumba instead. As I sat there on my mat my mind began telling me to stop, to cheat. "How do you cheat a workout" you ask? Oh, halfhearted workings, making it look like you're doing the workout when really you're using the floor to balance you, not your abs... It's really a lot easier than it seems to cheat your workout.

Working out is important, I mean lets face it, even if you're not chunky (I will not use the word fat... cause it seems that when that word is used the image that appears in our minds is a 4 ton bus...) you still will somewhat struggle without working out. Now obviously you will get along just fine without working out, You may have health struggles and stuff but you may be just fine. As our human body ages not working out can present struggles in our mobility due to lack of strength, our bodies deteriorate faster and we find, not only struggles in mobility, but health struggles as well. Yes, I know a few of you (whoever you may be) may argue with me but for the moment, humor me, I have great uses for this analogy.

So if we are using this word picture of working out in our minds, think about working out Spiritually. If working out is supposed to make us stronger and get rid of the "junk" (fat) then lets use this same analogy as a word picture of strengthening our spiritual walk in Christ. Are you cheating your working? Is reading your Bible just something you check off your list every day? Do you even read the Bible at all? Do you make it look to the people around you that you are "working out" in Christ every day but you're really just cheating your workout? What do you do when the people aren't around? Do you keep working out even when fatigue sets in if people aren't around?

So pull out your Bible, get rid of the mental (or even physical!) checklist of simply "getting it out of the way," Get rid of the pretending you're spiritually filled when in reality your hunger has gotten so out of control you forget you're hungry anymore. Stop the lies, stop the faking, pick up your Bible and listen to what God has to say to you.

When Oceans rise....

And I will call upon your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am yours, and your are mine

Oh how dearly I love this song from Hillsong United! We sang it in church this week and I was nearly moved to tears. How often is it, though, that we walk through life relying on our own strength (which, lets face it, gets us into pretty messy situations!) and only calling out to Christ in our time of need? Is this really what's intended by him? No. As the song continues...

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

For real though, is our prayer to Christ that he would lead us wherever he calls?! I mean, personally deciding on my future career is tough! I have to balance my passion for something with the idea that it will make enough money to provide, sorry art, you're out of the question, I'm not talented enough for it anyway. But if God told you to leave everything and serve him without borders would you do it? If you were constantly trusting Christ for your next meal would you do it? Could you do it? Obviously, if God ordained this work for me I surely am capable, not on my own but through him. Would I do it? The easy answer would be for me to say "Yes! I most certainly would!" But in all honesty would I? Would you?