Here I am, an adolescent, caught between two worlds in a bitter clash of tough decisions. Maybe you sympathize cause you were here once, or maybe, you're like me and you're caught in this place now. Stress is high in future choices, my spiritual walk is at war every day, school and family stress is also a large part of my life, I try so hard to balance. It's a strange thing however that though I can sit in my stresses, and yet they dont bother me. My stresses drive me to tears one day and the next they are completely and wholly surrendered leaving me with this simply beautiful life. But where does this leave me? I lustfully look towards my future, wishing I could permanently place years of school behind me... but where is this elusive joy?
Im growing up and fighting every change. If only I could writhe free of this change, if I could remain a young girl in pig tails laughing with my brothers in eternal youth would I choose it? Would I choose to be young forever? Maybe I would. I dont know. This is the side of my stress, the downside to my growing up.
However there is a light...
Inside my immaturity, inside my spiritual struggles, inside my absentmindedness there is a great dawning beginning.
Here lies a young girl still caught in a case of naivety but with a stirring in her soul to go. To walk on the waters, to move mountains, to change the world.
Some laugh, others smile, and very few support me. "What a foolish girl for not having ambition in career!" I heard, but its much too late to change me. Im not leaving without a bang, I plan to pursue a strong education in which my ventures in the world will most certainly use if it is according to God's calling. This is the question... is it his calling? Im still waiting for the answer. "Here I am Lord, send me."
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