God is Crazy

God is crazy. Yes, reread that sentence. No, I didn't typo, I didn't stick my foot in my mouth, I meant that exactly how I said it. God is hopelessly, endlessly, reliably -CRAZY! I suppose I should explain the context in which I mean that, but truly, God is crazy... I'm so glad he is, I am so endowed in thankfulness for his absolute insanity...

                                      6 months ago...

I sat on the balcony overlooking the ocean, with no land in sight. The sun set and I sat there for the continuing hours. I stood up and leaned on the railing, tears violently pouring down my face. As my sobbing became more violent, I pounded on the railing screaming "I'M HERE, I'M HERE..... I'm here.... oh God please use me... Why, oh God, do you have me here?! You must be CRAZY!" and indeed, I was just scratching the surface. I put my headphones on as music poured through the speakers. "...Lead me where my trust is without boarders, let me walk upon the waters... wherever you would call me" I raised my hands in prayer and submission to Christ, praying these words to him. Never would I have imagined, he would take me up on the offer, to where my trust is without borders, walking upon the waters, following his will.

                                        6 months later...

Here I am, faced with the biggest, most terrifying, choices of my life. I am caught in a bitter clash of past choices who have made me who I am, and present choices I am making, molding me into the person I will be. I am terrified by my individualism, and yet my choices to follow God's will. I pray fervently as to follow Gods will, and I am terrified. I have told myself that I don't care if people hate me, if I am kicked to the curb, if I am rejected by those closest to me, as long as I follow God's will... but I have lied to myself. Though I am following God's will, I am terrified that I will have to walk away from everything I love, everything that is familiar to me. As I confess this, my cheeks grow pink in shame. Praying for strength in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Oh God, Lead me where my trust is without borders. Indeed, the insanity of God is leading me exactly to where my trust is borderless.